There is no place to go on an airplane other than another part of the airplane. And there’s no other time to wish for another place to go than when you catch a glimpse of the obese ogre settling in directly next to your seat and simultaneously in part of your own seat as well. Add Ritalin’s poster child sitting directly behind you and you find yourself wishing TSA hadn’t confiscated your deadly nail clippers. Worst of all, the only thing to distract you from the human blubber spilling into your seat is a Queen Latifah movie where she plays the overweight and slightly butch sister/cousin/homegirl who is just looking for true love; really the role of a lifetime. Literally, she has been playing this same role her entire life. Your only hope to surviving a long flight in one sane piece is your grandmother taking pity on you and slipping you an Ambien. No dice. I just got handed a peanut.
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