Remember that time in your life when you were actually excited about getting your license so you could do that super cool thing called drive? Yeah, me neither. Once you realize that driving isn’t what those arcade games make it out to be, all the fun of it is out the window. For one thing, there isn’t the same excitement about getting to a checkpoint in real life as there is in a game; instead of bikini-clad women with checkered flags waving you in, you have police officers with breathalyzers. And as crazy as it may seem, there are actually some pretty strict laws about running over hookers unlike in Grand Theft Auto. What the misery of driving really comes down to is basically a difference of opinion between drivers and law enforcers. What CHP calls littering, I call getting Wario and Toad off my ass with a banana peel. And what a police officer would call running over a prostitute, I call bonus points. And what a Sheriff calls armed assault, I call practicing for GoldenEye 007. That last one wasn’t a driving reference, but I still think my interpretation is better than that Sheriff’s.
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