#305 – Self Diagnosis

Everyone’s looking for a diagnosis these days. But no need to go to a licensed psychiatrist for one. Just go ahead and diagnose yourself. Go on, give it a try. So you say you’re a little bit awkward? Sounds like a bad case of Asperger’s to me. So you feel the need to wash your hands after touching something sticky? Textbook OCD. What? You fell asleep in lecture after getting only 3 hours of sleep the night before? You don’t say. That’s classic ADD right there.

Sorry to break it to you, but you don’t have any of these disorders. That initial awkwardness you felt talking to a stranger is more because it’s close to impossible to keep a conversation going off of the other person saying “Sure is cold out.” And OCD isn’t the same as fixing a crooked picture because, you know, it’s crooked, or putting things in alphabetical order because, you know, you’re a front desk assistant and that’s your job. And ADD isn’t…you already stopped reading, didn’t you? Knew I should’ve thrown some clipart in here. It’s alright. After all, you have ADD! Now run and catch that excuse train before it leaves. But don’t run too fast. You might run out of breath because you haven’t been remotely close to physically active in two years. Because of your asthma, of course.


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