It’s not bad enough that morning people have to exist; they also have an incessant need to impose their love of the morning onto everyone around them. Walk into any Starbucks at 6am on your way to whatever job is sucking your life dry and just try to order a cup of coffee without being forced to smile and politely respond to inane questions. How’s my day going, you ask? Well, I did just wake up all of 10 minutes ago and somehow drove to this god forsaken coffee shop with half-shut eyes and half-brushed hair just to get some caffeine in my system to get some semblance of brain activity going before I trudge off to that lovely place where I’m both underpaid and underappreciated. But since you so sincerely asked, my day is going swell. Just swell. I think the coffee shop experience can be best summed up by the quote by Albert Einstein: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” No disrespect, Al, but I think I’ve stumbled upon a more accurate definition. Insanity is frequenting the same coffee shop at the same exact time every morning and somehow getting called every possible variation of four-letter names beginning with the letter L–well, every variation except for Lara. Getting my actual name right would go against some unbreakable law of physics, I’m sure.