History classes will teach you that it was Abraham Lincoln who abolished slavery in the United States. But through some loophole in the Emancipation Proclamation, companies around the country are still capitalizing on free labor to this day. I call it being an indentured servant; you may know it as being an intern. These companies wave 2 course credits and the all-mighty “potential for a permanent position” in your face, and you just go with it and waste your summer away schlepping piles of invoices and TPS reports from one cubicle to the next. But the term “internship” keeps you under the impression that you’ll be learning valuable life lessons that will help you in your future career path. But really, if memorizing everyone’s coffee preferences in the office is considered a helpful skill, I would have been ready for a promotion at age 8. If vacuuming ever got anyone ahead in the world, my grandmother would currently be the editor-in-chief at Vogue. And if alphabetizing files was equivalent to getting my foot in the door, I’d ask you to please kindly slam that door to nowhere in my face. Can someone get a hold of Harriet Tubman and tell her to save me a seat on the underground railroad? Unless I have to pay for a boarding pass, in which case, forget I asked. Us intern folk can’t afford them fancy thangs.