#284 – Group Projects

Throughout the history of time, groups of twos have made groundbreaking discoveries, earning themselves fame, fortune, and a joint title. But if I know anything about group projects, it’s that one of the two in the group must have been carried by the other and unjustly earned recognition simply by association. I guarantee you Lewis was the one leading the journey through the United States while Clark was just complaining about the blisters on his feet and asking “Are we there yet?” the whole way through. And Jill was probably bitching to Jack about how steep the hill was until she jinxed it and Jack took a fall. And celery would just be the red-headed stepchild if it weren’t for ranch. History needs to be rewritten to show this truth; otherwise, history is bound to repeat itself, most likely in the form of an ill-matched beerpong team. Celery: “I’ll make the next cup, I promise.” Ranch: “Sure you will, Celery. Sure you will.”

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