#273 – Expiration Dates

The rule with expiration dates is that if you’re looking for it, it means it’s expired. But this news always comes after the fact. At this point, you’ve already consumed three of those hot dogs you found hidden all the way in the back of your fridge, and you’ve eaten every last bit of that yogurt with what you thought was fruit on the bottom but was really a family of bacteria clustered together. Your keen eye for observation somehow missed the fact that cheddar cheese shouldn’t have holes in it like its Swiss cousin, and you managed to convince yourself that the green color on your bread must just be part of some St. Patrick’s Day theme. But at some point, the thought to check the expiration date pops into your head. Right at that second, you scramble to find the wrapper, dig up the yogurt container from the trash, and gag from the thought of that last hot dog. And then you find the prophetic date. Best if used before 3/29/2012. Cue the dry heaves, the dramatic water chug, and the WebMD search for Salmonella poisoning. Wait a minute… it’s 2011. Looks like you’ll live after all.

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